I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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