So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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