spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
