and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there's paper in my vomit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
