somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
