I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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