Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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