Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
