Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
