it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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