Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
