wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
