Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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