I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
