We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im six kinds of drunk right now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
