i just wanna soil my oats bro
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
