i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
