is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize