You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
