Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm like, not good at living.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
