I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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