theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
