He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
