Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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