i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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