don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
