Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
