i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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