the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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