I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
