Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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