hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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