I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
