The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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