i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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