The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
