i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
