I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
