i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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