i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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