Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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