Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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