YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
