The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
