My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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