the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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