And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
