I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
