had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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