I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
