what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
