Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
