Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
