the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
