Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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