No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
