wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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