My room smells like vodka and shame
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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