Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lost the right to judge tonight
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
