But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
