susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
