so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
