I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
