Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
