i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
