Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
