real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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