Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
