We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
