Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
