Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
