He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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