I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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